If George Steinbrenner seriously considers Joe Torre part of the Yankee family, as he said he did today, I know exactly what the Yankees should do with Torre. Fire John Sterling and install Torre in the Lowe’s Broadcast Booth. That would certainly improve home improvement the quality of the CBS game broadcasts by about 1000 percent.
ESPN: We’ll continue to stir the HGH pot
Nothing brightens up a Friday morning better than a hot cup of coffee, the morning paper, and a story on ESPN about a company fined over HGH distribution. Sweet. George Mitchell again has reason to live. And there I thought he’d string himself up in his closet, what with the lack of steroid news for, oh, a week and a half.
So why do I write about this if I have such contempt for the issue? Well, it appears that someone we know may be implicated:
The U.S. Attorney’s office disagrees, saying that Specialty supplied HGH for a “well-known” athlete in Massachusetts and an “entertainer/athlete” who received a shipment was 6-foot-5, 276 pounds, according to the New York Daily News.
Unfortunately, there appears to be a separation between the “well-known” athlete in Massachusetts and the “entertainer/athlete” whose dimensions are given. Because you know who kind of fits those dimensions? Yeah. Ortiz. And no, I’m not at all implying that he’s the one in question. He’s listed as 6-foot-4, 230, though it’s clear he’s just a wee bit heavier than that. It’s just funny to poke fun at Red Sox fans. Plus, I interpret “entertainer/athlete” as “professional wrestler.”
That said, the “well-known” athlete in Massachusetts is likely Rodney Harrison, who has already been busted by the NFL. So yeah, we can poke fun, but we can’t make any serious allegations.
Steroid stories are George Mitchell’s Viagra. Go bang a hooker tonight, George.
Tip o’ the hat to Tony
The Robbie and Kim show
Anyone else think that Robinson Cano is totally sleeping with Kim Jones? That post-game interview today pretty much sealed the deal for me.
Update by Joe: Don’t worry. Once Robbie signs a seven-figure deal, he won’t have to sleep with the Kim Jones’s of the world.
If you want to see for yourself, here’s the link. Stupid YES won’t let you embed their YouTube videos.
Ladies, look out for Derek
Via The Big Lead comes this gem: An employee of Jessica Alba’s ex-boyfriend Cash Warren claims Alba contracted herpes from Derek Jeter. Where they come up with this stuff, I don’t know. But my sister should be careful if her future plans ever come to fruition.
Braves looking to deal Wickman?
Tim Brown of Yahoo wrote it, and Jayson Stark of ESPN just said it on the teevee. If Octavio does end up in Atlanta — and it’s official at this point — the Braves will look for a quick swing on Wickman.
Farnsworth and $5 mil for Wickman. Former Yankee Bob may not be Gagne, but he’s also not Farnsworth.
Gagne heading to Boston?
The tireless Ken Rosenthal notes that Eric Gagne appears to be Boston-bound. The Red Sox are waiting for Gagne’s medical records and need him to waive his no-trade clause. I don’t really understand this move. The Sox already have a dominant closer in Papelbon and a great bullpen with Okajima, Delcarmen, Kyle Snyder and Javier Lopez. With Brandon Donnelly on the DL, the Sox have the pitching. Considering their needs, whatever they give up is too much, and getting everyone adequate work will now be a challenge for Terry Francona.
Update: Just to stress a point, Jon Daniels is a terrible GM. When the dealings and negotiations for Gagne started, he wanted either Joba or Phil Hughes from the Yanks. Then he said he would take Kennedy or Melky Cabrera straight up. Then he said he would take Alan Horne. So now he’s going to get Kasson Gabbard and Dave Murphy from the Red Sox. That’s poor. He can’t make either of them into a legitimate good player. Terrible trade for the Rangers. But at least the Yanks aren’t giving up too much for Gagne.
Edes: Gagne may be staying
While some sources had previously reported that Eric Gagne was Bronx-bound, the latest word has him sticking in Texas. According to a report by Gordon Edes, Rangers owner Tom Hicks has pulled Gagne off the table and wants to sign him to an extension. What’s Plan B?
Update: Ken Rosenthal, who by my account hasn’t slept since Saturday night, echoes this report. The Yanks are no longer confident that they can acquire Gagne.